A couple of weeks had passed since our big Paris trip, we were back in school, and Jake and I were still spending all of our weekends together. We were back in the normal rhythm and I was completely satisfied with the way my life was going. 

It was a normal Saturday night, where I was at Jake’s house, except his family was out for the evening (which was a complete secret to my mom). We had the house to ourselves. We picked up Red Robin for dinner and ate it at the dining room table talking about nothing in particular but laughing what felt like non-stop. After dinner we still went down to the basement. Although the house was empty his basement was basically an apartment with his bedroom, a bathroom, and a large tv room that the rest of the family didn’t enter. We walked down the stairs and instead of walking to the couch like normal Jake asked if I wanted to see his bedroom. I agreed, curious as to what a true boys room looked like. 

In the center of the room was a large bed, to the right was a dresser, a stereo, a small tv and a pile of sport equipment. To the left was his closet and another piece of furniture that I had no idea what he would use for but looked to me like a great make up counter. Jake walked over to the stereo and I flopped myself on the bed.

“Wow! It’s comfortable.” 

Jake laughed, “Yeah it’s not bad.” 

I had never sat on boy’s bed before fully voluntarily. I had no idea what to do but I sat on the edge and swung my legs as I watched him fiddle with the stereo. 

“Want to listen to music?”

“Sure.” Something in the air felt different tonight, but I didn’t know why. My mouth was dry and the butterflies in my stomach that normally only fluttered around him at this point were doing flips. 

“What do you want to listen to?”

“Anything.” Jake and I had the same taste in music and I knew I would like whatever he put on. 

Suddenly music was playing in the background but I couldn’t hear it. I was watching Jake walk towards me and sit on the bed next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. Like always, I melted into his arms.

Being so much taller than me, Jake had the advantage of his feet firmly planted on the ground during our makeout, but it didn’t take long for Jake to realize that while kissing him I was also struggling to not fall off the bed. 

“You’re so short.” He laughed.

“Well, I tried to grow but my bones don’t listen to me.” I looked at him smiling. 

Jake wrapped his arms around my waist, picked me up and threw me up to the foot of the bed. “There.” I was laughing hysterically at the readjustment and satisfaction on Jake’s face as he came to join me at the head of the bed. We immediately resumed kissing when suddenly I felt a hand slip right above my pants and under the bottom of my shirt resting on my stomach. 

I jumped. I hadn’t been touched here before by someone who wasn’t tearing my pants down while I fought back. 

“I’m sorry!” He immediately moved his hand from my stomach. 

“No, no, it’s ok. I just. I’ve never done… well… anything.” I looked at him knowing I was lying. I had had sex before, but does rape count? I felt like I hadn’t done anything before. I had gone so numb during all my interactions with Jed that this felt brand new. It didn’t feel like a lie. 

“We don’t have to do anything. It’s ok.”

“No, it’s fine, just. Just, let’s take it slow.”

I knew that Jake had been with a couple of girls before, he told me and I knew that he had much more experience than I could even imagine. 

“You’ll tell me if you want to stop?”

“Yeah, I’ll tell you.” I leaned forward craning my neck towards him and kissed him again. 

It didn’t take long before his hand was back on my stomach and sliding up my ribs. My breathing got heavy with anticipation and this new feeling of longing that was coming over my body. 

It didn’t last incredibly long. Before I knew it I was naked laying in his arms looking up at him. Sex, when you want it, was wonderful I thought. That was wonderful. 

“Are you ok?”

“I’m perfect.” I kissed his chest and rested my head back down. 

“Good.” He smoothed my hair and kissed the top of my forehead. 

We laid there for several minutes until he kissed me and moved away from me. He walked over to where our clothes were and started passing my mine. 

As I begin putting my clothes on all of a sudden I heard the music that I hadn’t heard since Jake turned it on. 

John Mayer was singing Comfortable

“Can’t remember, what went wrong last September

Though I’m sure that you’d remind me, if you had to

Our love was, comfortable and

So broken in

I sleep with this new girl I’m still getting used to

My friends all approve, say she’s going to be good for you

They throw me, high fives”

As I was putting on my clothes the memory of meeting his gorgeous ex-brunette came back to me. Was Jake saying something with this song? Was he still in love with her? I’m the new girl and the song is all about how his ex was comfortable. I had paused getting dressed and was staring into space in thought when Jake looked at me. 

“What’s wrong baby?” 

“Do you? Was I?  Do you still like your ex? I mean I don’t know what I’m doing. Am I just the new girl? I’m definitely not as cool as your ex just like the new girl in the song.”

“Wow, wow, wow. Slow down.” He came and sat next to me staring at me. 

“First of all, the stereo is just on shuffle. Second, I have never loved a girl before and I LOVE you Tori. Do you hear me? I LOVE you. Third, that was wonderful, it meant something, that was new to me too.” 

“Ok, I love you too.” I leaned into him. 

“Now, let’s get dressed. I’m starving again!” 

Laughing, I finished putting on my clothes. I was staring at Jake and I saw him in a whole different light. Suddenly we were connected on a level that I didn’t know existed. It was as though when I gave him my virginity (yes, I am calling it that because it was voluntary and I choose to believe your virginity can’t be taken without your will. I know medically it can, but let’s consider it mental virginity if you can’t wrap your mind around it) and with giving him that, I gave him part of my soul. I was glad I did.

A weekend or two later, we were closer than ever. I had willingly given him part of me and I had no regrets.

2 thoughts on “Dear Giving My Virginity…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s