It became part of our daily lives, saying I love you. It had been two months and we were fully obsessed with each other. I woke up every morning to a text from him saying, “Good Morning Beautiful” and an immediate smile on my face. 

We walked together in the hallways, stealing kisses from each other between classes. It was soon very clear to anyone who say me that I was in love and dating Jake. Not that we had been hiding, but we were suddenly that obnoxious couple that would hold hands all the time and made a point to see each other every chance we could. It was blissful and wonderful. 

I was walking to my locker between Spanish and French. (Yes, I took both at the same time thinking it was a great idea – it was not) when Jed stopped me. 

“Tori.” He said and made his way to standing right in front of me. 

“Hi Jed.” I looked at him wondering what in the world he could possibly want. We hadn’t spoken since we broke up. 

“I see nothing has changed.” He looked me up and down with his eyes stopping on my wrist covered by my long sleeves. 

I tugged on my sleeves slightly making sure my scabs were hidden. 

“W-W-What do you mean?” 

“You obviously aren’t ok and are hurting yourself still.”

“I’m fine, thank you.” I stepped to the right to move away from him as he mimicked my movement. 

“I don’t think you are. Obviously this new guy doesn’t know what you are really like.”

I just stared at him. What did he mean.

“He couldn’t love you if he really knew what you were doing and if he did wouldn’t  he try to help you? I just can’t deal with the fact that I am the only one who knows what you are doing to yourself.”

“It’s none of your business Jed.” I stepped forward and slightly to the right. 

“I guess it’s not anymore is it. Well, someone needs to know. I’m not going to hide your dirty secret anymore. I’ll make sure everyone knows how much you are hurting yourself.”

“What do you mean?” Suddenly I was panicked. I had hidden my wrists from everyone. It was my release and I was embarrassed that I did it. 

“I just mean that I think your friends and everyone will be interested to know why you wear long sleeves all the time. It will really explain how difficult you are to be around let alone date.” He sounded disguisted. 

“It’s no one’s business.”

“I disagree, I think it’s everyone’s business. Does your new boyfriend know? The one who loves you?” He said while he put love in air quotes. 

“Go away.” It came out as a whimper. I had no confidence left. 

“Fine. I’ll go away. I have people to share things with anyway.” 

He stepped back from me, turned around and walked down the hallway. It was as if an elephant got off of my chest. I hadn’t realized how tight my chest had been or the emotions I was holding in. I saw the girls bathroom about 15 steps to my right and across the hall and set off in a quick walk trying to hold my tears in. As soon as I entered the bathroom I busted into the closest stall and started crying. I lost all of my control. I fumbled in my pockets for my phone. What was Jed going to do? Why would he do this? It had been months of peace, why was he bothering me now? I lifted my sleeves and looked at my left wrist. It had three scabs in parallel lines down my wrist, why would he share this with the world. It wasn’t his business. I looked at my phone and immediately texted Jake frantically. 

Jed just said he is going to tell everyone about my wrists.

I looked at the screen waiting for his reply. 

Why would he do that? 

I don’t know. I don’t get it. I don’t want everyone to know. What am I supposed to do? 

It will be ok. Let’s have lunch ok? 

Ok. 

Class had started a while ago, so there were no more messages from Jake, but I was still sitting in the bathroom. 

One. Two. Three. Breathe in. Breathe out. I calmed myself down. Walked to the sinks, stared in the mirror and patted my face with cold water. Luckily my class was only two doors down. I walked straight there, apologized to my teacher and pretended to be paying attention while I was watching the clock waiting for lunch. Jake would know what to do. 

2 thoughts on “Dear What Are You Doing…

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