High school was pretty great, like I thought it would be, for a bunch of people. I was not one of them. Every Monday stories of crazy parties circled the school and it didn’t take long for people from our year to be at these parties. The beauty and glamour of high school was memorizing. 

The classes were exciting, ok that’s not exactly true, but they were more exciting than junior high classes. They were harder too. You had so many options on what classes you could take, and I loved that. 

I wandered the halls between classes feeling like I had finally made it to the promised land. The land of fun and freedom. I also felt very small and out of place as a freshman, which I was, but that part was minor compared to the excitement of being in the gray locker filled hallways. 

Without friends and only Jed to keep me company, my mom would decide we were going to go get a special breakfast or do something as a family. I would throw on a cute outfit, put no make up on, and reluctantly agree. Some of these memories, are actually my favorites, but try telling the girl in the picture that. She would never believe you.

It happened pretty quickly, our group of three couples disappeared. We weren’t not friends per se but we all had found new groups. Well, they had found new groups. The tall red-headed football and lacrosse player, and Max, were on the football team and fit in perfectly. He had made a great group of friends and I would see them wandering the halls with the new group and we would still say hi, but we didn’t hand out anymore. 

Max and Megan had broken up and Megan seemed fine with it. I didn’t really know, because she had found a new group too. She found a group full of girls and guys that were a little punk, a little prep, and stayed pretty isolated to themselves. 

Our wise hippy friend joined the other wise hippy friends of the school. Her and Megan were still close and hung out all the time, but I was no longer included in that group. 

It felt like it happened quickly, but really my friendship with the girls burned out slowly and was nothing but valid. I spent all my time texting Jed, with Jed, or talking about him. He expected me to hang out with him every Friday night and Saturday all day and night, and if I mentioned other friends, he would talk about the other girls that he would then go spend time with. I couldn’t lose him. I loved him, so I needed to spend those nights and days with him so he wouldn’t be spending it with other girls. 

It meant that suddenly Megan and the other girls weren’t around anymore. I can’t blame them. I wasn’t there for them, either. 

It meant one thing though, my life was Jed, and that was it. I had no one else, and I thought that was ok because we were like I said, in love.

2 thoughts on “Dear Suddenly Lonely…

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